Fallout Radio Mod
Project Overview
Various roles for a radio channel to be used in Fallout 3 and potentially Fallout 4
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Charlie is a thug on the run. Full sketch here:
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Charlie: Thanks for putting me up. I’m gonna need to lay low for a little while.
Tony: It’s no problem. But I gotta ask Charlie, how long do you plan on staying on here?
Charlie:For Chrissake Tony, I shot a cop! This isn’t going away any time soon.
Tony:But what if they come looking for you?
Charlie:Why? Are you thinking about selling me out?
Tony: No, of course not. I’m no rat.
Charlie:Then shut the hell up and start acting like it.
A boy who plays baseball and thinks girls are icky
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Calvin: Where’s O’Malley?
Jenny: He got detention again. He gave Ms. Quackenbush a real screwy look.
Calvin: Is that all?
Jenny: Well, when the old crone asked him what he was thinking about, he told her he was picturing her getting hit by a cartoon bus.
Calvin: That’s O’Malley, always saying what everyone else is thinking. So what’re you doing here?
Jenny: Well, I was thinking I could pitch in his place.
Calvin: But you’re a girl, Jenny.
Jenny: So? Tell you what, why don’t you let me play, and for every hit I give up, I’ll buy you a quarter pounder and a milkshake at the diner. But if I throw a no-hitter, you owe me a dinner and a movie.
Calvin: You drive a hard burger, Jenny. All right, let’s go.
This is the candidate opposite the one you'll find here, Samuel Washington, who is the crusty old Washington incumbent. He's the younger reform candidate. Kennedy-esque accent not necessary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As7stxN7mzg
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Yes indeed, my fellow Americans. It is up to you. Of course, the choice seems rather simple when you compare the two options before you.
On the one hand, you can leave our country in the hands of an old man who thinks Elvis is the name of an Irish saint, and would struggle to spell the word “cat” if you didn’t spot him the C and the T. Or, on the other hand, you can elect the man who directed, cast, and produced the jingle you heard at the start of this campaign spot. A jingle whose production required leadership, ingenuity, and a keen eye for talent.
Narrator for PSA on Emotional Distress
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
How true that is. People who overreact to minor situations may be emotionally ill. It’s not because they want to be, it’s because they have to be. But remember, these people can be saved. Sometimes it comes in the form of professional help, like therapy or a mental institution. Other times this emotional disease can be cured with a sympathetic ear or general human kindness.
A cartoon rabbit
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Tortoise: Oh yes. They say slow and steady wins the race, but the truth is, it’s much better to be fast and awake.
Hare: All right. Let’s say for a second I believe you. How am I supposed to stay awake when you keep boring me?
Tortoise: Well, have you tried not bringing your pillow along when you race?
Hare: The thought hadn’t crossed my mind.
Tortoise: Well, it might help. And you should lose the sleeping bag too, while you’re at it. Also, is that a holotape?
Hare: Why yes. It’s a ten hour documentary on the mating habits of humans. I planned on listening to it after I built up a big enough lead.
Tortoise: See, Mr. Hare. I’ve seen humans mate, and that’ll put you to sleep for sure.
A tallking cartoon cat
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Cat: Hey dog! Yeah you, you stupid mutt! Come quick, you gotta see this!
shows TV, where commercial is playing
Cat: Looks good, doesn’t it?
Dog:It sure does, Whiskers. But how come it doesn’t smell?
Cat: That’s because it’s sealed in this magic box, dummy. It keeps the flavor inside.
Dog:I see. So how do we open it?
Cat: Well it’s a magic box, so you gotta open it by saying the magic words, then smashing it with a magic anvil.
Dog: But I’m a dog. I don’t have an anvil.
Cat: Yeah, but you got that thick skull of yours. You ram it through that screen, and we’ll be eating chicken dinner in no time.
Mother who teaches her daughter the importance of guns.
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Mom: So Linda, how’s school?
Linda: Well, I’m trying to figure out what courses to take next term. I’m thinking about taking home economics.
Mom:Home economics? Let Mister Handy take care of that stuff.
Linda:But Mister Handy doesn’t give you course credit. It’s senior year and I just need something to fill the time. So I wanted something easy.
Mom:Linda, that isn’t right. How would Mrs. Anderson feel if you told her her class was a joke, just like her life?
Linda:I never said it was a joke. I like Mrs. Anderson.
Mom:You have a strange way of showing it. You take that class and you’re wasting her time and yours.
Narrator for PSA on Communists
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
You might be wondering, why should I donate my free time to civil service? Well, let me ask you a question. Are you a communist, or a citizen?
Do you resent the good fortune displayed by our wealthiest citizens? Then you might be a communist.
Do you often question the actions of your leaders in government? Then you might be a communist.
Narrator for PSA on Marriage
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
This is what a marriage looks like, at the beginning. This is what it looks like ten years later, after the birth of your first child. And this is what it looks like twenty years later, when you and your partner are going through a messy divorce that statistics say is almost guaranteed, provided you’re an atheist.
Marriages built on faith, however, provide the foundation for a stable, loving union. You and your spouse can work through your issues, knowing that if one of you doesn’t, a fiery hell awaits you both for breaking your vows.
Tortoise so should talk slow
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Tortoise: Oh yes. They say slow and steady wins the race, but the truth is, it’s much better to be fast and awake.
Hare:All right. Let’s say for a second I believe you. How am I supposed to stay awake when you keep boring me?
Tortoise: Well, have you tried not bringing your pillow along when you race?
Hare:The thought hadn’t crossed my mind.
Tortoise: Well, it might help. And you should lose the sleeping bag too, while you’re at it. Also, is that a holotape?
Hare: Why yes. It’s a ten hour documentary on the mating habits of humans. I planned on listening to it after I built up a big enough lead.
Tortoise: See, Mr. Hare. I’ve seen humans mate, and that’ll put you to sleep for sure.
A tallking cartoon dog
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Cat: Hey dog! Yeah you, you stupid mutt! Come quick, you gotta see this!
shows TV, where commercial is playing
Cat: Looks good, doesn’t it?
Dog:It sure does, Whiskers. But how come it doesn’t smell?
Cat: That’s because it’s sealed in this magic box, dummy. It keeps the flavor inside.
Dog:I see. So how do we open it?
Cat: Well it’s a magic box, so you gotta open it by saying the magic words, then smashing it with a magic anvil.
Dog: But I’m a dog. I don’t have an anvil.
Cat: Yeah, but you got that thick skull of yours. You ram it through that screen, and we’ll be eating chicken dinner in no time.
Narrator for PSA on atomic war
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
One of the signature elements of an atomic bomb explosion is a bright flash, brighter than the sun, brighter than anything you’ve ever seen. If you stare too long, chances are it will be the last thing you see too. Just watch what happens to poor Mary here as the radiation melts her eyes.
Meanwhile, Bobby here is safe and secure under his desk. He remembered to duck under his desk and cover his head. As such, the only radiation he’ll expose himself to is the touch of Mary’s irradiated corpse.
Abbott and Costello type duo. John would be the Costello type, Jeffrey the Abbott. In other words, John is the more comic type whereas Jeffrey is the straight man.
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Jeffrey: So John, got any plans tonight?
John: None that involve you.
Jeffrey: Why not? We could catch a movie.
John: No offense, but going to the movies with you is like watching paint dry.
Jeffrey: That doesn’t make any sense. Going to a movie isn’t like watching anything but the movie.
John: It makes perfect sense. I go to a movie. You sit next to me. And now I’m bored.
Jeffrey: What if I randomly sat next to you? How would you even know I was there?
John:How else, because there’d be paint on the screen. Nothing but drying paint. And as soon as I saw the paint, I’d say to myself, “Gee, I bet I know who that is sitting next to me. Why it’s my old pal Jeffrey.”
Narrator for PSA on leisure time and behavior.
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Did you ever stop to think about how much leisure time you have? Some of us put this time to good use. And then there’s Michael. He doesn’t do anything constructive with his time. Instead, he chooses to lie on his bed and look at naughty pictures. Stop that Michael, God is watching you.
PSA on popularity. Can be male or female
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
It’s a question every young woman asks themselves from time to time. Popularity – what is it made of, and how can I get it? Well, it’s actually quite simple. Let’s take a listen and see what makes people like one person and ignore another:
This is Lucy. Unlike Helen, she thinks the key to popularity is to park herself in the back seat of every car in school. When Tommy brags to the other boys about reaching second base, he learns that the other boys have already rounded third and are making a rather large pile at home. This makes him feel less important.
1950s race car mechanic
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Dick Petty: You hear the news? Some girl from uptown’s sending out a challenge to all the greasers on the westside.
Mechanic: That’s a laugh. There ain’t a car in the world faster than Roddy. It’s greased lightning on a two-lane blacktop.
Dick Petty: And she knows it. That’s why she doesn’t wanna race me. She wants to do a chicken run.
Mechanic: But you ain’t chicken boss. A turkey maybe, but chicken? Not a chance!
Dick Petty: That’s right. I don’t know the meaning of fear. A teacher tried to tell me once, so I dropped out of the second grade and became a drag racer instead.
1950s race car driver
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Dick Petty: You hear the news? Some girl from uptown’s sending out a challenge to all the greasers on the westside.
Mechanic: That’s a laugh. There ain’t a car in the world faster than Roddy. It’s greased lightning on a two-lane blacktop.
Dick Petty:And she knows it. That’s why she doesn’t wanna race me. She wants to do a chicken run.
Mechanic: But you ain’t chicken boss. A turkey maybe, but chicken? Not a chance!
Dick Petty:That’s right. I don’t know the meaning of fear. A teacher tried to tell me once, so I dropped out of the second grade and became a drag racer instead.
This basically is a Vincent Price parody of "The Fly" trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hdv4QA-O1bg
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
If you’re listening to this transmission, we recommend you sit down. If you’re sitting down, we recommend you hold on to the arm rests. If your chair doesn’t have arm rests, then well, you’re out of luck. For it’s already here.
Bzzzzzz noise, woman screams
What unearthly horror was that woman screaming at? What manner of beast is that going through her closet? It would be unfair to simply tell you what happened in that laboratory, where a man dared to play god. At least, not until you’ve paid the price of admission. Only then will you see what words can’t possibly describe. When The Cazador hunts its prey.
Coach in the 1950s.
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Coach: Timmy! Where’s your brother? He was supposed to be at practice an hour ago!
Timmy:Golly coach. If I had to take a guess, he’s probably behind the bleachers making whoopee with Molly Gunderson.
Coach: (Sigh) I suppose it can’t be helped. Boys will be boys.
Timmy: I’m a boy, does that mean I can make whoopee too?
Coach: Not for another couple of years I’m afraid.
Abbott and Costello type duo. John would be the Costello type, Jeffrey the Abbott. In other words, John is the more comic type whereas Jeffrey is the straight man.
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Jeffrey: So John, got any plans tonight?
John: None that involve you.
Jeffrey: Why not? We could catch a movie.
John: No offense, but going to the movies with you is like watching paint dry.
Jeffrey: That doesn’t make any sense. Going to a movie isn’t like watching anything but the movie.
John: It makes perfect sense. I go to a movie. You sit next to me. And now I’m bored.
Jeffrey: What if I randomly sat next to you? How would you even know I was there?
John: How else, because there’d be paint on the screen. Nothing but drying paint. And as soon as I saw the paint, I’d say to myself, “Gee, I bet I know who that is sitting next to me. Why it’s my old pal Jeffrey.”
Narrator for Vault-Tec Commercial
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
School's out for the day, and some of the boys want to go to the vacant lot to play catch. Not today fellas, Gary tells them, I've gotta be home before dark. Gary's got a lot on his mind, you see. Not only is his book report due next week, but the Communists might invade America, and he doesn't know an ounce of Chinese.
Narrator for PSA on Communists
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Did you know that the oldest known chameleon was found in Anhui, China? That’s right, the very same country that serves as the capital for modern socialism. So it’s not surprising that in recognizing a Communist, physical appearance can sometimes be misleading. Many Communists dress and behave like ordinary American citizens, blending into their surroundings just like their chameleon ancestors.
Not everyone can afford their own bomb shelter. And even if you have one, there’s no guarantee you can reach that shelter should nuclear fallout come to your city.
To use one of our state of the art booths, simply place the correct change into the coin slot, enter the chamber and wait for the titanium door to close behind you. Rest assured that once closed, the door will remain completely sealed, keeping you safe from all the Johnny Come Latelys attempting to claw their way inside. Ha-ha-ha, sorry Johnny, you’re gonna have to find your own shelter. This one’s taken.
Everybody knows people love the taste of Fancy Lads. They’re a big delight in every bite. As for how big, well, just ask Uncle Ricky. His love of lads knows no bounds. Fancy Lads Snack Cakes, that is. After all, Ricky’s desire for sweet, tasty delights is completely independent of his love of other things, like the young men he teaches at the nearby community college. That’s right, he loves those lads like they were his own wife. And by lads we mean snacks, of course. Fancy Lads, a big delight in every bite!
Narrator for PSA on Communists
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
You can identify a Communist usually by his slouching back or potato chip breath. There may be stains on his jeans, as well as a strong eagerness to check the mail – either for his entitlement check, or coded messages from his superiors in Beijing.
1950s style accents preferred, like Trans-Atlantic
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Jason: Hi. Haven’t seen you around here before.
Allison: That’s odd, because I feel like I’ve been living in this building all my life.
Jason: You say that like it’s a bad thing. I love this building. The rooms are clean, the people are nice, and you can’t beat the view.
Allison: That's because you’re new. You love it now, but things change. Love in particular has a habit of being fickle.
Allison: (Sigh) You know when I first moved in here, I was just as wide-eyed as you are now. Every night I’d come out on this balcony and watch the lights go out one by one. Sometimes I’d even bring my guitar and sing the whole city to sleep.
But time goes by and that feeling fades. It doesn’t matter if you’re out here to sing or scream. In the end you realize no one can hear you either way.
Jason: That’s not true. I hear you. I hear it when you laugh, when you scream and when you cry. And maybe I’m the only one in the world who does. But the fact that I’m here, listening, that has to mean something too.
1950s man in love
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Jason: Hi. Haven’t seen you around here before.
Allison: That’s odd, because I feel like I’ve been living in this building all my life.
Jason: You say that like it’s a bad thing. I love this building. The rooms are clean, the people are nice, and you can’t beat the view.
Allison: You say that because you’re new. You love it now, but things change. Love in particular has a habit of being fickle.
Allison: (Sigh) You know when I first moved in here, I was just as wide-eyed as you are now. Every night I’d come out on this balcony and watch the lights go out one by one. Sometimes I’d even bring my guitar and sing the whole city to sleep.
But time goes by and that feeling fades. It doesn’t matter if you’re out here to sing or scream. In the end you realize no one can hear you either way.
Jason: That’s not true. I hear you. I hear it when you laugh, when you scream and when you cry. And maybe I’m the only one in the world who does. But the fact that I’m here, listening, that has to mean something too.
A girl who plays baseball with the boys
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
Calvin: Where’s O’Malley?
Jenny: He got detention again. He gave Ms. Quackenbush a real screwy look.
Calvin: Is that all?
Jenny: Well, when the old crone asked him what he was thinking about, he told her he was picturing her getting hit by a cartoon bus.
Calvin: That’s O’Malley, always saying what everyone else is thinking. So what’re you doing here?
Jenny: Well, I was thinking I could pitch in his place.
Calvin: But you’re a girl, Jenny.
Jenny: So? Tell you what, why don’t you let me play, and for every hit I give up, I’ll buy you a quarter pounder and a milkshake at the diner. But if I throw a no-hitter, you owe me a dinner and a movie.
Calvin: You drive a hard burger, Jenny. All right, let’s go.
Full script here:
http://3dnpc.com/wiki/scripts/commercial-radio/
A reminder to all teenagers everywhere. KEEP OFF THE GRASS.
No, we’re not talking about your neighbor’s lawn, although it’s a good idea to stay off that as well. Your neighbor worked very hard to keep his property free and clear of children, and he shouldn’t have to remind you to stay off it.
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