Shrek
jokerman24 for Shrek
(As a narrator reading the book) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible, fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the Dragon's Keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss. (beat; sarcastic) Yeah -- Like that's ever gonna happen!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!!!
(sighs) Okay, fine. Attention all ... fairytale things! Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you off my land and back where you came from!