I think your pronunciation is really good! But it almost gave the vibe that you had to think through each line in real time, which made the storytelling portion of this pretty slow. I don't think the pacing is bad, but with a script like this, the listener could get bored easily so I think some things that could help counter that would be putting an emphasis on certain words and phrases or changing the pacing a little bit. I really enjoyed listening to your take as well because it was different from my submission, so I enjoyed this interpretation of it just as much!

Nice going! Now I definitely understand how hard this can be but it's your job to make it fun. A nice tip that I used a lot is to imagine that you're reading in front of a bunch of children that will help get in the right mind frame. Make sure you keep practicing your articulation some of your words were kind of hard to hear. I do like your intro it was it painted a good picture you just needed a little bit more energy. I know you can do this cause when you got to the second half, I was able to feel some of that excitement, try to include more of that in the beginning, and maintain it all the way through. Still, this was good! Way to go!